I put my email address into a lot of forms, especially because I like to check out new sites and services, and I’m always hoping for the “beta” invite. Inevitably, this means I also get added (without my knowing) to a lot of email lists. At the bottom of most emails is usually (if they’re following the law) a link to “unsubscribe”.  I’ve noticed some companies do unsubscribes right, and others… not so much.  So here are my rules that you should always follow for YOUR email list:

1) The best unsubscribe link takes you to a page that says “You’ve been removed from our list”… and that’s it.  Simple, effective, and I won’t hate you or your company afterwards.

2) The second best way (if you really think your email recipients are so stupid they may click it unintentionally) is to have a page with two buttons. One saying “Unsubscribe” and another saying  “Oops! I made a mistake! I don’t know how links works! Derp” or something.

3) NEVER ask for my email address to unsubscribe. You sent me the freaking email, you should KNOW my address. Also, I often use the “plus trick” for my gmail, and asking me to track down exactly what email address I used for your stupid, spammy site will just fill me rage and hatred for you and your babies.

4) NEVER send an “Unsubscribe Confirmation” email. Seriously? Are you that stupid? I just said “Don’t send me any more emails” and you’re going to do the exact opposite? How are you able to feed and clothe yourself?

5) Do NOT ask me to sign in and “change my notification preferences”. More than likely, I already forgot the password for your lame company that TechCrunch will never cover, and I’ll just have to do a “forgot password” thingy… meaning I must both find what email address I used AND get another email from you. Fail. Fail. Hatred. Fail.